TOEFL writing practice : being an adult

Q. People recognize a difference between children and adults. What events (experiences or ceremonies) make a person an adult? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your answer.

There is no such thing that children turn to adults in a day. However, anyone experiences a couple of times specific moments when they feel I become an adult. People have their own experiences, but there is something in common among those experiences.

First of all, at the moment people feel a sense of responsibility; people recognize they grow up. Children are always under the protection of their parents. Parents either decide something instead of their kids or are responsible for what their children did. However, from one moment, children can no longer depend on them. For example, when people have their baby, they realize they become an adult. From the moment, they have to protect their baby from a lot of situations coming to them. The sense of responsibility engraves people to become adults for sure.  

Secondly, people say they realize it when they feel sympathy toward their parents. We used to demand many things to our parents even over 20 years old. It means age is not a measure of being adult. We consider our parents as the one who cares about us and should give everything as we ask. If you are thinking of yourself so, people might regard you still children, you do as well. However, people used to say that the moment when parents look like the one whom we should care of comes at least once in our life. Although I’ve never experienced such emotion yet, when the day comes, I am likely to say the same thing as others did.

To be honest, being an adult is not a big deal. It is because everyone becomes adult. However, once again being an adult is a big deal. In the world there are numerous people just who having only old age. Namely, being an adult is like having a responsibility on their life. Also, only after you grow up as much as you can take care of people around you, you can say that you became an adult. 

아래는 이블린 킴 선생님의 수업에서 사용된 예시 에세이 입니다.  

There are so many differences between children and adults, such as adults made decisions independently, while children often deal with things under the supervision of adults. Although it is a course that a child grows up and become an adult, I believe that many events play a significant role in it. Based on the experience and life style of my own, leaving parents and living alone is the event that turns a child into an adult.

Main reason of my argument I support is that living independently could develop the ability of thinking and doing independently. In family, parents always prepare everything and create a comfortable condition for children. So, children at home are mostly carefree, and need not to worry about cooking, washing, making cleaning. The only thing they have to care of is study. However, Children, for example, who live in the dormitory of school, have to study how to deal with house work and how to get on with others. It is more important that they should not only think without the help of parents but also make decisions like adults.

Another reason which is proven by many children is that by living independently children learn how to deal with many problems which happen unexpectedly. To resolve problems faced with, they need courage and the capability to cope with without the help from parents. For example, when a freshmen move into dormitory they have to learn to change the light bulb, clean the house, how to get on well with roommate and so on. At this time, making friends and helping each other are very important for them to resolve the troubles which may happen in the future. In addition, the frustration and even failure in life is very significant in the course of growth. An experience, example, or observation imparts beneficial new knowledge and wisdom. In the same way, failures bring children lessons and make their thought and behaviors mature and sense.

Generally speaking, living independently will develop the ability of dealing with things of children, test the courage of cope with difficulties of them, and bring them many lessons. Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the conclusion that living by own make a child mature and wise, and turn a child into an adult.